When Doing It Right Becomes Doing It Wrong: The Trap of Perfectionism
For my family, growing up meant always striving to "do things the right way," a purpose deeply connected to our faith. I truly believe this dedication is vital in both life and business. My Dad never imagined such commitment could ever be an issue.
I still strongly advocate for "always doing the right thing because it's the right thing to do." This idea is about making good choices, not just obsessing over results. Taking every opportunity to tell the truth, to be kind rather than mean are simple examples of how that saying affects our everyday life. However, when it begins examining “how” we do things without taking into account the level that we “can” do things as part of the equation, and then when it becomes extreme and toxic to environments it turns into perfectionism. This kind of extreme perfectionism is especially harmful because even though people affected by it want to succeed, their main focus is on not failing, which leads to a pretty negative outlook. They often struggle with the idea of unconditional love, thinking that others' affection and approval depend on them being flawless.
Perfectionism Defined:
Perfectionism is more than high standards—it’s a trait that turns life into an endless report card on accomplishments, performance, and appearance. When healthy, it can fuel motivation and resilience. But when unchecked, it becomes a trap—one that quietly robs us of peace, joy, and progress.
The word in itself is a problem for me. The word perfect is defined as having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be. If it’s viewed as unattainable instead of as a measurement that can be reached now, then maybe i could accept the word and mention a healthy perfectionism, but that is an impossibility in my mind. The perfect part of perfectionism is an inherent problem when we are discussing day to day behaviors and action. It leads to an unrealistic expectation, which leads to frustration, discouragement and depression.
As Leo Tolstoy wrote, “If you look for perfection, you’ll never be content.” In a perfect world, the pursuit of perfection might be noble. But in the real world, it’s a fast track to burnout, anxiety, and missed opportunities.
Michael Phelps, the most phenomonal athlete during my lifetime, won 28 Olympic medals, 23 Golds, over a 16-year span, from the 2000 Sydney Olympics to the 2016 Rio de Janeiro Olympics. Phelps has spoken candidly about the dark side of perfectionism, being overly self-critical, and the immense pressure of having impossibly high expectations.
“I was a perfectionist—and I was always comparing myself to my perfect swims... which don't exist.”
Michael Phelps has admitted that his drive for perfection often overshadowed his accomplishments. Even after winning multiple Olympic gold medals, he would focus on what he could have done better rather than celebrating his success. This mindset left him feeling unfulfilled and mentally exhausted.
“I would beat myself up endlessly over the smallest mistakes. I could win a race, break a record, and still go back to the hotel angry because one stroke felt off.”
This kind of intense self-criticism took a toll on his mental health. Despite being the most decorated Olympian in history, Phelps has revealed that his internal battles often made it hard to enjoy his achievements.
“I was expected to be perfect every time I got in the pool... I felt like I couldn’t show weakness, and I couldn’t fail.”
The weight of external expectations, combined with his own, led to periods of depression, anxiety, and isolation. Phelps has since become an advocate for mental health, encouraging others—especially high achievers—to seek help and let go of unrealistic standards.
“It’s okay to not be okay. Talking about it, being vulnerable—that’s strength. I’ve learned that now.”
Today, Phelps promotes the importance of mental wellness and emphasizes that growth, not perfection, should be the goal. His journey serves as a powerful example of how even the most successful individuals can struggle with perfectionism—and how freeing it can be to let go of it.
Our daily aim should be to be the best version of ourselves. This involves continuous growth, as Phelps noted, and considers the many daily decisions we make. It involves doing the right thing because its the right thing to do. For example, if we aim to make 10 sales calls, the "right" decision is to make those calls. However, the measurement of the results of those calls depends on our personal best, then we can set realistic goals based entirely on our growth leading to improved outcomes.
In my own journey, I’ve noticed perfectionism shows up most when I feel insecure. It’s a mask—one I wore to prove I was good enough. Striving to be the best, not from inspiration, but from fear. Fear of failure. Fear of being exposed. Fear of not being enough. I held myself to impossible standards, saw others’ strengths but not their mistakes—and assumed my own failures were unacceptable.
Perfectionism, even when well-intended, can leave you stuck. It creates analysis paralysis, and the fear of doing something wrong becomes greater than the desire to move forward.
This perfectionism affects us personally and in business.
First, lets look at how perfectionism negatively effects us individually.
3 Negative Effects of Perfectionism on an Individual
1. Chronic Procrastination
The fear of not doing something perfectly often leads to putting it off indefinitely—delaying progress or never starting at all.
Some people have mastered getting ready, the act of getting prepared to start. The more they prepare, the wider the gap between their current state and the act of starting. In the south we say “I’m fixin’ to” - these individuals are always fixin’ to do something, but very seldom do they start doing anything.
2. Mental and Emotional Burnout
Perfectionists frequently fall short of the standards they establish due to their perfection-driven expectations.These unrealistic expectations can manifest as "drive" but frequently result in stress, anxiety, and exhaustion.
For many people, including Michael Phelps, This pattern can contribute to severe mental health challenges, where the self imposed burden on the individual becomes tremendous.
3. Inability to Enjoy Accomplishments and don’t celebrate others
Even after achieving success, the feeling of accomplishment remains elusive. Wins are downplayed, and achievements are swiftly overshadowed by fresh pressures and elevated expectations. There's a tendency to self-criticize for setting benchmarks perceived as "low," thereby compromising with mediocrity. Considering the positive influence of goal attainment on one's mindset, it's hardly surprising that a constant failure to acknowledge any achievements along the way can be profoundly devastating.
Furthermore, these individuals struggle to acknowledge the victories of others, finding it challenging to celebrate anyone else's accomplishments.
Next, lets look at the the negative effects from perfectionism on a business led by a perfectionist.
3 Negative Effects of Perfectionism on a Business Led by a Perfectionist
1. Paralysis in Decision-Making
Important decisions are delayed or avoided altogether because nothing ever feels “ready enough” or “just right.”
The hard decisions are easy to avoid if you aren’t disciplined about doing it anyway. Then we let perfectionism come in to play and procrastination takes over and now decisions that need to and must be made are getting put off til later. This paralysis stops any growth in its tracks.
2. Micromanagement and Low Team Morale
Perfectionist leaders, driven by an unyielding need for flawless execution, inadvertently create a stifling environment for their teams. Their struggle to delegate is not merely a preference for hands-on involvement, but a deep-seated apprehension that others cannot meet their exacting standards. This often manifests in two destructive behaviors: redoing team members' work, effectively erasing their efforts and undermining their contributions, or hyper-focusing on and criticizing even minor errors, which can be perceived as nitpicking rather than constructive feedback.
The cumulative effect of these actions is profoundly detrimental to team dynamics and individual growth. Trust erodes as team members come to believe their efforts are insufficient and will ultimately be overridden or disparaged. Ultimately, this approach, while seemingly driven by a desire for excellence, inadvertently creates a culture of dependency and fear, hindering both individual potential and overall team performance.
3. Stunted Innovation and Growth
The insidious grip of perfectionism extends far beyond individual well-being, casting a long shadow over organizational progress and economic vitality. At its core, perfectionism breeds a profound fear of failure, a sentiment that directly contradicts the fundamental prerequisites for innovation and sustainable growth: experimentation and calculated risk-taking.
The relentless pursuit of perfection is a formidable adversary, a mindset deeply ingrained over years, perhaps even a lifetime. It's not a switch we can simply flip, nor a habit we can shed with a mere snap of the fingers. The very nature of perfectionism, often masquerading as a virtue, makes it incredibly challenging to overcome. It whispers promises of flawlessness and success, yet frequently delivers anxiety, paralysis, and a persistent sense of never being "good enough."
However, escaping this suffocating cycle is not only possible but imperative for a life lived with greater ease, fulfillment, and genuine accomplishment. It requires a deliberate, step-by-step approach, a conscious rewiring of thought patterns and behaviors.
Breaking Free from the Grip of Perfectionism: A Three-Step Path to Recovery
Redefine Success as Progress, Not Perfection
The cornerstone of overcoming perfectionism lies in fundamentally altering your definition of success.
Instead of fixating on flawlessness, shift your focus to continuous learning, incremental growth, and consistent effort.
Embrace the understanding that mastery is a journey, not a destination.
Each step forward, however small, is a victory.
If you set a “REACH” Goal, then be sure that you set achievable sub goals to build to it.
Perfectionists often set "REACH" goals – ambitious, aspirational targets that are often so grand they feel overwhelming.
While such goals can be motivating, they become paralyzing if not broken down into manageable, achievable steps.
The key is to replace unrealistic, all-or-nothing standards with a series of attainable benchmarks.
Be Honest and Give Yourself Grace
Learn to give yourself grace.
Commit to being honest with yourself. Being honest when setting your goals and that they be realistic and then being honest through the performance assessments.
Give your best, give yourself credit for the growth you are making.
Reflect on wins, however small, and allow space for learning from mistakes.
By diligently applying these three steps – redefining success, setting achievable sub-goals, and practicing self-compassion and presence – you can gradually dismantle the grip of perfectionism. This journey requires patience and consistent effort, but the liberation and increased effectiveness you gain will be profoundly rewarding.
If you are a perfectionist or a recovering perfectionist as some of us are, you know how hard it is to rewire the way you think about doing the right thing and how it relates to anything you do. You feel like you are compromising the standards you live by and that you are in danger of becoming an underperformer rather than a top performer. All I have to say is Stop it - you’re killing yourself. Bless you on the road.
Stay on the journey - Chasing Better!
Until Next Time | Expect to Win!
JIM
Resources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/perfectionism
https://www.cnn.com/2017/07/03/sport/olympics-michael-phelps-swimming-mental-health
