The Resilient Edge: How Gratitude, Mindset, and Action Build Strength
A Word of Caution Before We Begin: - It's easy to fall into the trap of social media comparisons, scrolling through seemingly endless streams of curated perfection. We see the highlight reels – the promotions, the vacations, the smiling faces – and it's natural to assume that the people behind these posts lead charmed lives, untouched by real hardship. However, this perception is a carefully constructed illusion.
The truth is, every individual, regardless of their outward success or apparent happiness, grapples with significant challenges. These problems may not be publicly broadcasted, but they exist nonetheless. Whether it's navigating career setbacks, dealing with personal loss, managing health issues, or facing complex relationship dynamics, life inevitably throws curveballs. The individuals we admire, those who achieve remarkable things and maintain a sense of well-being, are not immune to these struggles. Think about the entrepreneurs who faced countless rejections before their vision finally took hold, the artists who continued to create despite years of obscurity, or the individuals who rebuilt their lives after experiencing profound loss. Their journeys were not paved with ease; they were marked by obstacles that could have easily led to despair. Therefore, the next time you find yourself comparing your own struggles to the seemingly flawless lives of others online, remember this crucial truth: everyone faces challenges.
I have studied successful people in many different roles in life and also I must mention that success is defined differently by almost everyone. But, no matter the situation or definition, what truly distinguishes the successful and happy among us is their ability to cultivate and demonstrate resilience. It's not about avoiding hardship; it's about how we navigate it that ultimately defines our journey.
Acknowledging that difficulties are a natural part of life is the first step in navigating them effectively.
No matter what your role is, and many play more than one every day. Whether you are a business owner focused on growth or a salesperson seeking new customers, maybe you are parenting children or looking to strengthen your marriage you have to accept that life inevitably presents problems and challenges. As I often say, "Life happens."
In this article we will:
Define resilience
Discuss what is required for a person to be resilient.
What are the traits of a resilient person?
How can we develop resilience?
“Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don’t want a fast pass. Make the most of it and enjoy the ride.”
Resilience Defined
In Jim Rohn’s article titled “7 Traits of the Most Resilient People” he defines resilience as:
“the ability to return to the original form after being bent, stretched or compressed. It is also the ability to readily recover from illness, depression or adversity. It is the capacity to handle it when faced with significant losses and the capacity to start all over again. A resilient person won’t give up and will, in spite of all obstacles and setbacks, keep doing it until.”
Resilience, while sometimes critical in life-or-death situations, is more often needed for everyday challenges. A resilient person can handle setbacks, quickly recover, and continue moving forward.
Tiger Woods offers a compelling illustration of the importance of perseverance, a lesson he shared with his son Charlie. In an exclusive interview with Golf Digest, Woods disclosed the advice he gave Charlie after observing his struggles on the golf course. This guidance, applicable to anyone striving for peak performance in sports or business, emphasizes the necessity of moving on.
Accepting Woods’ lesson includes knowing that there are going to be times that you need to immediately put an unwanted situation behind you. Dwelling on it will effect you in a big way. If you are 100% committed to now, then you can’t put any attention on what has happened.
2. Resilience Requires
What is required of an individual to have resilience? We aren’t naturally gifted with an abundance of resilience that with no effort we can draw on. Nor is there a pill or a shot that we can take to kick it in.
Insight - Honest Self-Talk
In the book “The Resilient Self” , the authors Steven and Sybil Wolin wrote that,
“Resilience requires insight, meaning you need to develop the ability to ask yourself tough questions and answer honestly, taking responsibility if your actions contributed to a loss.”
Denial of responsibility in a situation ultimately leads to a festering guilt which leads to the avoidance of challenging situations in the future which is the opposite of resilience.
Take Charge
Very simply in order to be resilient we must count on ourselves and take charge, push forward with initiative to do whatever is necessary to overcome and achieve.
The Wolin’s wrote,
“A resilient person can count on themselves to bounce back into life. Resilience calls for initiative. You need to develop the ability to take charge of the situation, to take charge of the problem, and do whatever is necessary to get back on track.
I have always felt that a lack of resilience occurs when a person doesn’t have confidence in themselves that they can recover and bounce back. There are times when we may fall down, get up and fall down again, but we must demonstrate initiative, which involves the ability to take charge of the situation and stand up to challenges. Rather than viewing these difficulties as insurmountable, they can be seen as stepping stones for progress. Building resilience requires perseverance, meaning you keep doing it until despite the difficulties. The crucial point is not stopping, never giving up and getting back on track after each falter, ensuring you ultimately get up one more time than you fall.
Strength - Mental and Emotional
The ability to "keep on going" is not possessed by everyone. It is a hallmark of resilient individuals, allowing them to navigate life's difficulties and roadblocks. It requires significant mental and emotional strength to muster up the energy to begin again after a loss. There is the word strength. That is required.
To cultivate mental and emotional resilience, it’s essential to maintain a balanced perspective. This prevents any single circumstance, especially negative ones, from dominating our thoughts and controlling our emotions. The saying “making mountains out of molehills” illustrates this principle. When we excessively emphasize the significance of minor problems or challenges, we hinder our ability to recover from any difficulties or setbacks that may arise.
3. Traits of Resilience
One of the best examples of resilience that I have ever seen is the story of Alex Smith. Alex is a former NFL Quarterback, he played 16 years and is currently an ESPN commentator. Alex Smith is the only QB in the NFL that Patrick Mahomes was second string to. In 2018 he suffered an injury while playing for the Washington Redskins, this injury proved to be life threatening. However, due to the traits of resilience that he posesses and the lengthy rehabilitation process, he returned to play in 2020.
This video tells Alex’s story of resilience.
While the video explicitly outlines "five essential principles", it also describes Alex Smith's journey in a way that reveals several key traits of resilience as demonstrated by him.
Based on the descriptions and lessons presented in the video, here are 5 traits of resilience revealed through Alex Smith's journey:
Determination / Self-Determination: The video highlights that Smith's ultimate success in his comeback was "driven by his own determination to push through" each phase of his recovery.
Mental Flexibility: This is explicitly discussed as a crucial trait exemplified by Smith. It's described as the ability to "adapt mentally to changing circumstances and persist through discomfort". Facing uncertainty and pain, he needed to shift his perspective.
Purpose-Driven Mindset: Smith's journey is described as "purpose-driven", and he developed a "purpose-driven mindset". This trait goes beyond external circumstances, as purpose was something he actively created intentionally during his recovery, giving significance to his struggle beyond just returning to the field.
Intentionality: Resilience was built through "intentional actions". Smith embraced every stage of his journey as an "intentional step" and focused on "intentional living and personal growth". This deliberate approach was key to his recovery and redefining his life.
Commitment: The video mentions Smith's "unshakable commitment" earlier in his career, and this commitment continued throughout his recovery. His "commitment to recovery" was reinforced by small wins, demonstrating a sustained dedication to overcoming the immense challenges he faced.
While most of life’s challenges don’t reach the catastrophic scale of Alex Smith’s, we encounter situations daily that demand our determination, mental adaptability, a purposeful drive, intentional action, and unwavering commitment to bouncing back or persevering. These qualities serve as invaluable lessons for us all as we navigate our journeys forward.
4. How to Develop Resilience.
The Farmer and the Donkey
“One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway-it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all of his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement, he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off, and take a step up.”
Based on the story of the Farmer and the Donkey and the provided sources, we can learn several key lessons about developing resilience.
In the story, the donkey falls into a well and is faced with the farmer and neighbors shoveling dirt on top of it. This act of shoveling dirt can be seen as representing the adversities and challenges that life throws at us.
The donkey's initial reaction is to cry piteously, but then it quiets down and starts doing something amazing: with each shovel of dirt, it shakes it off and takes a step up. Let’s summarize this amazing story and identify a few of the lessons to be learned as well as what it takes to develop resilience:
Processing and Shaking it Off: The act of "shaking it off" represents the ability to deal with or process the negative impact of difficulties without letting them bury you. Instead of being overwhelmed or surrendering to despair, like the donkey initially did, resilient people process the situation and find a way to move forward.
Turning Challenges into Stepping Stones: The donkey doesn't just shake off the dirt; it also takes a step up using the dirt. This illustrates how resilient people can turn failure into success and use challenges as stepping stones. Instead of being stopped by obstacles and setbacks, they keep doing it until or get back on track.
Persistence and Not Giving Up: The story emphasizes that the donkey got out of the well "just by not stopping, never giving up!". This directly reflects the quality of a resilient person who "won't give up" and will keep coming back for more when life presents obstacles. Resilience isn't just about enduring; it's about sustaining a mindset that embraces adversity and maintaining the energy to begin again.
Self-Reliance and Determination: The donkey's actions are its own; it relies on itself to shake off the dirt and step up. While support systems are crucial for resilience, the donkey's journey also highlights the importance of self-reliance and self-determination.
The Farmer and the Donkey story teaches us that resilience involves shaking off the negative impact of adversity, using challenges as opportunities to move forward and grow, and persisting through difficulties. The primary lesson that I take from this story and I think it is important to point it out and put a spotlight on it:
“It’s the inner drive that ultimately pushes through challenges.
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The donkey had to rely on his inner strength, his actions, in the face of dirt being thrown in his face. That is a great metaphor for what we deal with on a daily basis.
Finally, I am not suggesting that we avoid tough times and challenges. This article is about the importance of standing back up and the incredible role that resilience plays in a life of happiness and achievement.
In the Bible, James wrote,
“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”
We must embrace life's inevitable challenges as opportunities for growth. By cultivating resilience, we build the endurance needed to navigate difficulties and ultimately lead a life of greater fulfillment. These "troubles of any kind," as James put it, are not roadblocks but integral parts of the journey toward becoming more complete.
Until next time - Expect to Win!
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